It Was Forever, Until It Ended

For safety reasons, some photographs are not shown at this time.Ongoing project, 2022–present.

   On February 24, 2022, my country began a full-scale war against Ukraine. It completely changed my life. This project is a series of self-portraits made during the war in response to what was happening: propaganda, new laws that banned even the word “war, ” isolation caused by sanctions and international condemnation, repression, and forced emigration. 

   What began as a form of protest gradually became a way of documenting reality. It started intuitively. I took the first self-portraits on my birthday, February 22, 2022. The war had not yet begun physically, but it had already begun legally. I was shooting on my phone because I did not fully realize or believe that this would turn into a full-scale armed war. I was wrong. These photographs led to persecution by the state, and I was eventually forced to leave the country before imprisonment became only a matter of time. After that, the portraits made in Russia were replaced by the scenery of Germany, a country that was foreign to me. 

   Since childhood, my mother tried to protect me in the only way she knew. She taught me to remain unnoticed and not to speak aloud about what could be dangerous. This fear came from the Soviet era, where repression shaped everyday life and was passed from generation to generation as an unspoken rule of safety. These attitudes felt alien to me. I grew up during the 1990s and early 2000s, often described as the freest period in Russia’s recent history. 

   After 2022, a sense of the cyclical nature of Russian history took hold within me. It began to feel like a history that leaves little room for hope that Russia can be different, safe, and free. Still, continuing this project gives me hope and a sense of purpose. I believe in the inevitable political evolution of authoritarian regimes. I believe that Russia will move toward democracy. I believe in my home and in my return. 

   This path is not finished. When it will end, and whether it will end at all, remains unknown. Russian history seems to move in circles, but is that really true? I will only be able to take the final photograph when I return home. Until then, this place will remain empty.